documenting the moon.

{moon. 10/8/11}

life has been full.
oh. so. full.

and i've found precious little time to document it.

spontaneous road trips across the state at sunrise.
blue corn pancakes.
dancing stage-side at concerts.
and northern exposure re-runs.

have consumed my days.
and nights.

oh- i've taken photos all along the way.
have no doubts.
and undeveloped film.
lays cased in my purse.
as we speak.
just aching to be processed.
and shared.

proper updates are in the works.
a diary of fall excitement.

in the meantime.
i'll keep trying for that perfect picture of the moon.

:: without facebook.

i did something dramatic.

sort of.

i deleted facebook.

and while that should have been no big deal.

it was.


calls and e-mails poured in from everyone i knew.


where was my facebook?

did i block everyone?

deleted?!

why did i do it?


and my answer was simple.

because i lived 22 years without it.

and i was ready to live without it again.


i thought at first that it would be hard.

but in actuality-- it's been quite the opposite.


i've found myself genuinely enjoying the smaller things::


like lying there and really, really listening

to the passion and love in johnny & june's voices on vinyl.


or taking the time to read a great book--

one that makes me yearn for a life far, far off the grid.


or diving deep into fabulous cookbooks--

and taking note of the beautiful way the late afternoon light plays off their bindings.


it's been refreshing in other ways too.


when i had breakfast with my friend the other day--

things had happened in her week that i didn't know about.

i hadn't seen any status updates--

so we had so so much to discuss.


and my other friend--

she's pregnant.

so i've missed a few weeks of "bump" pictures.

and what a joy it was to see her in all her beautiful glory for the first time in awhile.


and then i have another friend.

whom i rarely see.

that i panicked over for a split second after i deleted my account.

how would i communicate with her?

facebook was our connection.

and so--

to ease my mind--

i called her.

and we actually talked.

and it was way better than facebook could ever be.




in the teeny-tiniest of ways.

a life without facebook

makes me feel

alive.

::: this & that

oh my. blogland has my sincere apologies for the excess of tumbleweeds that have been blowing through this deserted space. finished off my 5th consecutive midnight shift last night and am ready to curl up with autumn for the next few days. hello, rest. pleased to make your acquaintance, relaxation.

here a few quick & random thoughts:

1. indescribably jazzed about preparing for the launch of my newest undertaking: dwell. am co-piloting this incredible ship with summer. and i couldn't be more pleased.

2. spent an embarrassing amount of my fresh paycheck at target this morning. but walked away with a fabulous rust colored pea coat. an awesome shirt dress. blue & gray plaid flats. a new novel. a "congrats on your baby" card for philene. and madonna's newly released 'greatest hits'. (i couldn't resist!)

3. finally decided on a new fall lip color. 'decadent' by arbonne is this season's lucky winner!

4. just made last minute plans to attend the Detroit Tiger's game tonight. must unpack hoodies from storage. it's gonna be a chilly one.

5. realizing just how much i love pumpkin spiced lattes.

6. also realizing that i have been blessed beyond measure. have more than i could ever deserve. and need to trust.

life. is. good.

PASSION:::

randomly (but oh-so-appropriately) i discovered this essential truth via a little blog called "girl and coconut". a style therapist named Danielle LaPorte has a whole website full of these little "truisms", as she calls them, but i remained most effected by this one.

i literally took a pause. rolled the statement around in my brain a little. sat and had a good long think. i am struggling with this, as of late. i am passionately in love with life. and am not naive to, nor am i unthankful for, all the countless blessings in my life---including my good job in these difficult times. but i feel like, specifically in the area of my work, i lack passion. i lack that drive. i have so long been creatively focused, and when i decided to leave my theater and writing dreams in the past to pursue a career that would more easily sustain me---i kind of got lost.

i feel most happy when i am scribbling a poem. concocting a hilarious (and usually TRUE) short story. dissecting the production of a fabulous movie. listening to music with my eyes closed. i feel the blood in my veins. i feel alive.

but how do i transpose that passion to the hospital. to the call lights. the injections. the politics of the medical field. is the key finding peace within my work? or examining my work as a means--or stepping stone-- to accomplishing something i am truly passionate about?

where's the balance? where's the middle place between passion & obligation?

it is my sincere prayer that God ignites my passion anew. and sets me in the very heart of my dreams.

until then----my challenge to you & to myself, is to find passion in the now.

make life your passion.

ahhh:: the LIFE

i've spent this delightful day attempting to clean & organize...

however-- i quickly got distracted and found myself stationed at my laptop, perusing weekend blog updates. much to my utter pleasure-- i discovered, via ENGLISH MUSE, that LIFE magazine is doing a kick back to it's vintage covers. what brilliance! i love the 40's, 50's & 60's. i love dissecting the progression of fashion, finance and beauty. oh, the simple joy i obtained from clicking through the covers of these little time-capsules. i've included 2 of my favorites below.

go ahead::: take a break from your weekend chores and click on either cover to go experience this magnificent history lesson for yourself.

::: age & time

when i was in the 2nd grade, i had an 8th grade buddy named debbi. debbi was every young girls idea of a hero. she had this head full of gorgeous, naturally wavy hair. she had the most trendy outfits. dated the most athletic and funny guy in her class. looked amazing in every picture. dominated on the volleyball court. rocked the top of the honor roll. spear-headed the "city beautiful" project. if it was out there- debbi did it- and she did it well. i wanted to be just like her.

i can recall with intense clarity the thrill i would get when i would enter the heavy red doors of my school, and see a piece of loose leaf paper- folded about 30 times into a tiny square - sticking out of the slits in my locker. a note from debbi. as my assigned "buddy", she took to regularly writing me letters. and i loved it. i would run into the classroom, whip out my notebook, pour over every word debbi had written me in her perfect script, and immediately begin a letter back to her. i loved that she always filled an entire page, and would then continue on with a "p.s". it made me feel important that she needed to tell me something more. to my 8 year old mind, debbi was an adult. at least 25. perhaps 30. she was the epitome of maturity. elegance. womanhood. and she flat-out rocked.

debbi graduated into high school that year. she left me her eight grade picture and one final note in my locker on the last day of school. and i never heard from her again. occasionally, i would see her picture in the paper (she continued to shine in high school), or i would hear about her through people at the school, or from her church. i had saved all her letters in a wooden box under my bed, but beyond that, i never really thought about her.

years later, when i graduated high school, i took on an active role as a leader in the youth group at my church. i loved hanging out and talking to the students. i loved listening to them. goofing off with them. remembering the very real fear and concerns of a 13 year old was humbling. it was during this time, when i was talking to a girl that was about to be a freshman in high school, that i thought about debbi again. this little girl was the same age as debbi when i knew her. i just stared at her. examined her eyes. listened to the animation in her voice. watched the way her ponytail flipped with every "and...like....totally", and i laughed in spite of myself.

this was debbi. my whole life came into perspective. at 18, i looked back into the 2nd grade and realized that my role model at the time was a 13 year old girl. with no idea who she was or where she was going. loving her life in the best way a little girl on the brink of adolescence could. in my mind, deb was going home every day after school to her husband, three kids and poodle. obviously driving herself in a convertible- wearing very stylish sunglasses while doing so. she was so adult. so grown up. it never occurred to me that her mom picked her up from school like mine did. or that she probably went home and watched Full House and slept with a teddy bear. i had no concept of age. or time. all i knew was i was 8. and i was me. and debbi was WAY older. in actuality, debbi was maybe 5 years my senior.

i shared this story with the young girl i was talking to. i told her she was someones debbi. told her to realize how much life she really had before her. but also- how fast it would fly by. i reminded her to keep all things in perspective. to dream. to make good choices. to give back. to look inside herself and figure out who she really was. and live it. because- no matter how young you are- there is someone younger. and they are always watching.

"city beautiful" June 3, 2009

a few days ago, i was driving home from a sushi lunch and i saw this sidewalk art. it's a contribution from the 2008 city beautiful committee. and i once more thought of debbi. but not so much of her personally- but more of what she means in my life now. she is the representation of perspective. the realization and concept of age and time. today i feel grown. i feel like i am who i will be for the rest of my life. but i know i am not. in ten years, i will look back and think "wow- i could never have imagined being here". much the same as i will tens years after that. much the same as i look back now into my teens and childhood.

there was one night, when i was 10 years old, that i laid on the floor in my bedroom and begged myself to remember the moment. i wanted to remember being 10 forever. i stared at the ceiling and felt grown. i felt like i was who i would be for the rest of my life. i couldn't imagine driving. working. graduating. being in love. i remember wondering what it would feel like to be 20. now, 20 has long passed- and today, i wonder what it will be like to be 30. and 40.

because now i realize that i am very far from arriving. and that, like debbi, i am so young. and have so much more life to go.