i find myself in this strange place each and every time i come off a stretch of consecutive work nights. i don't know if this dream-like state is caused by the mentality i have to establish at work, or the forsaken hours at which i am there. perhaps its both. but regardless, when i return home the morning after my last midnight shift of the week, i am void of any sense of time. i can almost feel the Earth's rotation. i can see the vibrant life occurring all around me. but i am on the outside. looking in. struggling to focus. i inevitability fall immediately to sleep and wake up in a complete state of utter disorientation. is it night or day? is it Wednesday or Thursday? should i eat breakfast or dinner? am i late for work or am i off? the middle place.
it takes a good solid 24 hours for me to snap out of it. to whip my body back around. to resurface my mind from the muddle. it's during this mental chaos that i always have the hardest time posting on this blog. what do i say? what am i feeling?
it frustrates me. everything in my mind is a bullet point. do this. remember that. call so-and-so. you're out such-and-such. nothing is fluid. no thoughts connect. and i hate that feeling. oh what a glorious day it will be when i can come home from my last midnight shift, fall asleep, wake up and be "normal" again forever. goodbye, middle place. its been a fabulous ride.
until then. here are the things sloshing around in the brain mud today::
1. only one mug of coffee, so far? be still my heart! must brew fresh pot.
2. anthropologie catalog arrived in the mail. (sigh) a few moments of inspiration.
3. weekend plans: metro w/rachel tomorrow. cider mill Saturday. grandpa birthday Sunday.
4. must go to meijer tomorrow morning. need dinner ingredients. should have done that today.
5. have i made coffee yet? no. didn't think so.
6. maybe i'll go see a movie tomorrow afternoon.
7. i love these people. where do they work? and how do i get a job there? :::