i read a garden plaque in a catalog last night. it was etched with the phrase :
"make a past for yourself in the present".
maybe it was the ungodly hour. or perhaps it was my lack of coffee on a long midnight shift, but my mind was having the most awful time trying to decipher what the author of the statement meant. what was this little euphemism trying to instill? did it really have any substantial meaning at all? i laughed out loud at my puzzled state. a few ambulance arrivals pushed the catalog back into a desk drawer, but i felt that little string of words hanging in the back of my conscience all night.
and here i am, 24 hours later, still watching that little line sway in the breeze. but now, i think i know what it means. that simple garden stone was telling me that i can change the past. i have the ability today, to change tomorrow's yesterday. this very moment is such a delicate, intricate balance of past and future.
and it's already gone.
however, that doesn't discourage me. it gets me giddy. excited. it forces me to be present. right now. this instant. because-- when i look back on tonight in a day. a week. a year. i want to be proud of my past. content with how things played out. confident that i did the best i could to persevere with grace. follow my dreams. and live. really, really live.
i spent this evening on a couch. chai tea latte sitting atop a new cookbook. eating eggs and soft wheat bread with nutella. watching northern exposure re-runs. and i was at peace. i needed this silence. this rest. everything was just as it should be.
what a delightful past i'm creating for myself. delightful, indeed.
ps: i had to include one last recipe from my current culinary muse, sophie dahl. this dessert looks insane. in the best way possible, of course...