Sunday, May 10, 2009

::: a great adventure

For all the ways my mom and I are alike, there are 100 ways we are different:::

My mom doesn't like to read.
She hates TV and movies.
She despises buying something unless its on sale.
She rarely makes the first move to foster a relationship.
She was married fresh out of high school.
She never went to college.
She is a hopeless romantic.
She often holds onto anger just a little longer than she should.
She hates coffee.
She doesn't travel.
She is disinterested in politics.
She likes very few modern pieces of design or fashion.
She won't make the call to order takeout.
She doesn't like pizza, sushi, or Indian food.

Our differences, combined with our likenesses (stubbornness; occasional moodiness) and my fierce independence, often put us at odds. It frustrates me that we have so little in common, and in addition, so little common ground. By the time my mother was my age, she had already been married for 6 years, had one child, and was pregnant with another. I spent 5 years in college, have worked steadily since I was 16, lived away from home, traveled all over the country, and am now secure in my career.

Many people wonder how I became so different from my mother. And to be honest, I am not quite sure. I can remember being about 10, sitting in the backseat of the car, praying that I would grow up and be different than my mom. She wasn't outgoing or adventurous---two things I most definitely was and wanted to continue to be. I was afraid I would grow up and loose those things....get lost in the shell of someone I didn't relate to.

But as I grow up, I realize, for all my knowledge and friendships and experiences and adventures, I will probably never be a mother as good as my own. In her own way, she showed the ultimate act of selflessness::: she allowed me to be her greatest adventure, knowing it would be her only one. She gave up her years of carefree freedom to foster and love two little girls: to give them security, and joy and decades full of happy memories.

I am not that person::: and a part of me will always be striving to meet that mark.

While I blaze my own trail, and do many things my mom has never done, or would never want to do, a part of me will always be searching for at least a few of her footprints to follow.

Happy Mother's Day...

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