and i quote:::

THERE WERE NOT MANY STEPS.
I HAD COUNTED THEM A THOUSAND TIMES,
BOTH GOING UP AND COMING DOWN,
BUT THE FIGURE HAS GONE FROM MY MIND.
MEMORIES ARE A KILLING,
SO YOU MUST NOT THINK OF CERTAIN THINGS...
OF THOSE THAT ARE DEAR TO YOU.
OR RATHER, YOU MUST THINK OF THEM
IN YOUR MIND...
LITTLE BY LITTLE.
THAT IS TO SAY,
YOU MUST THINK OF THEM FOR A WHILE, A GOOD WHILE,
EVERY DAY, SEVERAL TIMES A DAY...
UNTIL THEY SINK FOREVER IN THE MUD.
THAT'S AN ORDER.

- SAMUEL BECKETT

this is a passage that has spoken to me for years. the inner battle of the author is palpable. but in the end--as with all of us-- he comes to realize that we must hold our memories dear. we must cherish those whom we love. and those who love us in return.