any morning i woke up with air in my lungs was a "tall" day. that went without saying. so when, under the stresses of work, clinical, lectures and sleep deprivation, i bumped my order to a grande-- everyone knew i meant business. i had never felt the need to go larger. to-- in one sitting-- down a super-sized java. but i remember vividly the morning that all changed.
i think i was running on about 2 hours of sleep. i had been up all evening saturating every last brain cell with information about the functions of the cardiac system and the delicate balance of our body's hematology. i was staring 8-10 hours of "on-the job training" (aka: free labor) right in the face. it was the dead of winter. the air was arctic. the snow was knee deep. devastation and exhaustion were the only two palpable emotions in my ever-shrinking world.
my lab partner and i pulled into starbucks that morning. i shuffled in the door: hunched over. down-trodden. despondent. infuriated. and desperate.
"I'll have a venti mocha latte, please."
my friend gave my the questioning eyebrow. i emphatically informed her, it was indeed a "venti day". never was there one before. and rarely one since. my coffee addiction is usually satisfied with a tall (or two) a day. and occasionally i summon the powers of a grande.
today is your run-of-the-mill "tall day". one cup in the car on the way to 1st grade drop-off, and i'm wide-eyed. i feel so energized and enthusiastic about the coming days. i have so many little ventures that i'm jazzed about:: breakfast club w/niamh tomorrow. sushi with liz. metro on sunday. 'where the wild things are' with the work girls. dinner with grandpa. perusing the arbonne catalog with my new discount code. embarking on a new novel. listening to more christmas music (i downloaded bob dylan's christmas CD on itunes. & it's all the chain-smoker-raspy holiday crooning one could wish for!)
it's all so exciting! but what's even better is knowing that-- after it all-- I still have a few days of empty possibility. wide open for something. or nothing.
as long as a starbucks coffee is involved-- i'll be good either way.